Just relax and you’ll get pregnant? Heard this before?
Millions of women around the world- including 25% of infertility cases in the UK have been diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”, where no identified male or female cause according to NICE figures.
If there is no physiological explanation, could the answers to infertility live within our mind-set? Are our minds our own conception?
Any woman experiencing infertility would have more than likely heard the following statement: “a friend of a friend of mine just gave up trying and boom, they got pregnant”.
Although, that statement makes our toes curl, it is in fact very true, even if we don’t want to admit it. Every couple’s situation is different however, the basics of just lowering our stress levels can make a huge difference with our endocrine system and the hormones that govern our reproductive system.
I had been trying to get pregnant for years, my husband had a low sperm count and we were told that our chances of naturally conception were no existent. During our IVF cycles, my eggs were being fertilised by my husband’s sperm but I wasn’t able to keep a pregnancy therefore, I was diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” and the problem then became mine.
It was my 5th IVF cycle and I wanted to do everything in my power to make it work. It was the first time I had decided to go and seek help with my mind-set.
Are you like a duck on water? Calm on the outside, chaos underneath.
When you want something so badly and the biological clock is ticking, the pressure begins to intensify as you follow your internal dreams of motherhood. You may look all relaxed and nonchalant on the outside but on the inside, you are probably an emotional wreck and your endocrine system will be working overtime.
A bit like a duck on water, it’s looking serene and beautiful on the outside but its legs are going ten to the dozen underneath.
Flight or fight
When we feel threatened our nervous system responds by releasing a flood of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Your body will react by going into a sympathetic state and gets ready for an emergency situation.
Your blood is re-directed to your parts of the body that will respond to flight or fight like your limbs and away from parts like your reproductive system. Do you know of anyone who would want to conceive during a battle?
Some women are constantly in this parasympathetic state as getting pregnant is so important.
Anyone showing signs of sabotaging your dreams can send you into a spiral of negative emotions. However, what if the threat wasn’t external?
Perhaps it’s our own internal struggles that are causing the flight or fight mode. Perhaps you are harbouring negativity about conceiving within your sub conscious and therefore completely unaware of your self-sabotaging internal conflict that is spiralling out of control.
The writings on the wall
Negative events are processed easier than positive events, if I asked you to think of a memory, you would most likely come up with a negative one first, it’s because they are more salient that the positive ones.
The more negative events are experienced, the more we re-enforce our negative thinking and behaviour, which frames our mind set accordingly and we begin to distort our reality.
Essentially, the writings on the wall already…..our wall.
Do you want to stop the negative self-talk now?
Just imagine how wonderful it would feel to be free from the emotions that maybe causing your infertility. You have the answers within, the mind and body really does keep the score.
How? I hear you say.
There are many therapeutics techniques that can help you uncover your core issues. I’m not going to pretend that I will solve your problems within this blog but let’s just begin with some basics.
Step 1 – Awareness
Having self-awareness that there could be potential self-sabotage at work is the key to mind-set transformation. Become aware of any self-sabotaging behaviour you may be doing, it could be eating, smoking, drinking or just doing the same destructive thinking about how you loathe yourself.
Step 2 – The writings on the wall
Imagine now there is a wall in front of you and every time you feel an emotion, you write it on the wall. Are there more negative than positive? What came to mind first?
Step 3 – Turning it around
You can begin to turn your thoughts around by thinking about all the positives in your life and be mindful of them and your surroundings. When you wake every morning or feel you are moving into a negative loop, think of 3 things that you enjoy or are grateful for. Then before you go to bed, think or write down 3 things that you enjoyed about your day. It could be as small as you saw a beautiful flower and it made you smile. Firstly, you are being mindful with your surroundings and secondly, you are beginning to create other useful neuro pathways.
Step 4 – Reframe your negative statements.
When you think of something negative, write it down and flip it into a positive statement instead. i.e. “I haven’t started my period yet, meaning I can’t start this IVF cycle yet” flip it to “Even though I haven’t started my period yet, it gives me more time to prepare for my treatment”.
My mind-set transformation
After I completed the sessions with a psychotherapist and EFT practitioner I felt completely transformed and my belief in getting pregnant had been a game changer, I just knew it would work and that’s when I conceived my son. There were many factors that I believe contributed to our success however, having a change in mind-set was wholeheartedly the main component.
When you become self-aware of your self-sabotaging behaviours and recognise the impact on your nervous system, only then you can begin to heal your mind, which will create new positive and resourceful pathways to conception. So, what’s next?
If you want to find out more, book a free 30-minute strategy session with me Zoe Jones.
I would love to hear how you have got on with the steps to begin your mindset transformation, please comment below or go to my social media pages.